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October 30 2017

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When you gotta level you gotta level

i’m going to print this out and hang it in my classroom

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you’ve seen the dog outside of town, lying where they buried the witches

October 29 2017


Me: Alright, brain, we have two tasks to do. One of them is more time sensitive, but working on the other will be more fun. Which should I start on?

My brain: Do fucking nothing for 72 hours

Me: Understandable, have a nice day

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Wheelchair from the Habsburg family, Vienna, 1740

October 28 2017

Alternatives for 25 overused words in writing


1. Interesting- note worthy; thought-provoking; fascinating; attracting; appealing; attention-grabbing; captivating; gripping; invigorating; engrossing; engaging; electrifying.  

2. Beautiful- striking; stunning; magnificent; lovely; charming; gorgeous; radiant; dazzling.

3. Good- acceptable, wonderful, exceptional; positive; brilliant; first-rate; notable; stellar; favorable; superb; marvellous; prime.

4. Bad- awful; lousy; poor; unacceptable; crummy; dreadful; rough; inferior; substandard; atrocious; appalling; dreadful; defective.

5. Look- glance; fixate; observe; stare; gaze; peer; scan; watch; study; browse; eye; glimpse; review; inspect.

6. Nice- lovely; superior; pleasant; satisfying; delightful; likeable; agreeable; correct; adequate; swell; fair; okay; approved.

7. Very- extremely; exceedingly; exceptionally; immensely; tremendously; abundantly; particularly; remarkably.

8. Fine- satisfactory; worthy; respectable; exquisite; suitable; well; imposing; decent; admirable; praise-worthy; decent.

9. Happy- cheerful; delighted; pleased; content; amused; thrilled; elated; thrilled; ecstatic; on cloud 9. 

10. Really- genuinely; truly; honestly; actually; undoubtedly; certainly; remarkably; incredibly; downright; unquestionably; extremely.

11. Sad- miserable; gloomy; devastated; down at heard; distraught; distressed; dispirited; sorrowful; downcast; feeling blue; desolate.

12. Big- massive; huge; giant; gigantic; enormous; large; colossal; immense; bulky; tremendous; hefty; sizable; extensive; great; substantial. 

13. Shocked- taken aback; lost for words; flabbergasted; staggered; outraged; astonished; astounded; stunned; speechless; appalled.

14. Small- tiny; petite; mini; miniature; microscopic; minuscule; compact; pocket-sized; cramped; puny; undersized; limited; meager; modest; minute; pint-sized. 

15. Angry- irate; enraged; touchy; cross; resentful; indignant; infuriated; wound-up; worked-up; seething; raging; heated; bitter; bad-tempered; offended; frustrated. 

16. Know- understand; comprehend; realize; learn; perceive; recognize; grasp; sense.

17. Change- alter; transform; replace; diversify; adjust; adapt; modify; remodel; vary; evolve; transfigure; redesign; refashion; advance; transition; shift; adjustment.

18. Old- aged; ancient; matured; elderly; senior; veteran; decrepit; seasoned; venerable; past one’s prime; doddering; senile.

19. Think- ponder; reflect; conceive; imagine; contemplate; consider; determine; realize; visualize; guess/assume; conclude; envision. 

20. Funny- comical; ludicrous; amusing; droll; entertaining; absurd; hilarious; silly; whimsical; hysterical; joking; witty; facetious; slapstick; side-splitting; knee-slapping.

21. Go- move; proceed; advance; progress; travel; walk; journey; depart; exit; flee; make one’s way; clear out; get underway.

22. Give- grant; donate; hand-out; present; provide; deliver; hand over; offer; award; bestow; supply with; contribute to; send; entrust.

23. Get- acquire; obtain; receive; gain; earn; gather; collect; buy; purchase; attain; score; secure; take possession of; grab.

24. Easy- effortless; simple; clear; smooth; straightforward; uncomplicated; painless; accessible; apparent; basic; plain; child’s play; facile; elementary; cinch. 

25. Fast- agile; brisk; rapid; nimble; swift; accelerated; fleeting; high-speed; active; dashing; winged; hurried; turbo. 

Being Asexual But Not Realizing It: Why Ace Awareness And Pride Are So Important



so. since AAW is almost over and i’ve yet to deliver on the one thing i said i was going to contribute although i will deliver. at some point. eventually i’m going to talk about my experience as growing up asexual without realizing it, since i haven’t really talked about that in detail before

now, the most common narrative we see in the asexual community is aces who grew up feeling broken, knowing there was something different about them, and not knowing how to fix it like everyone told them they should. and this is aces of all ages, from young questioning teens to the elderly who learned the word asexual from their grandkids

and this is an important narrative to highlight, because no one should ever have to go through that. and my heart goes out to every ace who has ever felt this way. only, as i’ve become more involved with the ace community and seen this prevailing narrative, i’ve felt a little confused because, in my case, it was the exact /opposite/ problem for me

because i thought i was straight. even though i exhibited behavior that could be read as bi, even though my parents “worried” i was a lesbian for a number of years, i knew i wasn’t gay and i knew i wasn’t bisexual. i don’t know how, but i did. and because i thought straight and gay and bi were the only sexualities that existed, i figured i must be straight. it was never a question as to whether or not i knew i was, i just wasn’t anything else, so i identified as straight by default

and it’s not that i thought i was straight “but not very good at it.” or that i was straight “but something was still missing.” or even that i was straight “but hey shit happens.” no, i thought i was straight, wholly and completely. and so, because i was undoubtedly straight, i assumed that this was what being straight was. i assumed that how /i/ experienced straightness was how everyone else must be experiencing their straightness

so, how it was for me, is that i thought /i/ was “normal” and that it was literally everyone else who had the problem. because i wasn’t actually experiencing straightness, so obviously our feelings weren’t the same, but i thought they must be, and i held myself as the standard, and when other people didn’t exhibit their straightness as i did, i thought there was something wrong with /them/

frankly, i’m a little concerned to know what this says about my ego, although i’m not about to think it’s exactly a bad thing, since it did save me from that existence of feeling broken and lost and self defeating about my sexuality. or maybe it’s just because i’m a naturally reclusive person and i’ve always been a little more mentally-independent

the point i’m trying to make, is that this is not an ace narrative i’ve ever come across before, only i’m certain i can’t be the only person who has experienced this or something similar. which is why i’ve decided to share this story for AAW, in an effort to bring awareness to the multitude of ways people can grow up being asexual and not realizing it

and this is not to say that i didn’t experience isolation or confusion, because i most certainly did feel these things. although this came from a different perspective than those who think of themselves as the ones who are broken. i didn’t think that i should be feeling like everyone else, i thought everyone else should be feeling like me, and so it confused me that i still couldn’t understand them

because i felt i should have. they were straight, just like me, they felt the same things i did, so why couldn’t i understand them? the degree to which this bothered me varied depending. generally i’m not particularly concerned about the affairs of others, so i didn’t spend /a lot/ of time fussing about this. but when my friends dated or when i heard people talk about sex and all it entailed or when we got the abstinence sermons at church, i did feel very alone

because i didn’t /understand/. why was everyone else obsessed with dating and losing their virginity? why was everyone obsessed with sex? why was everyone having so much romantic drama? why were adults constantly trying to instill in us the importance of abstinence? why was it such a big a deal to wait for marriage?

why were people behaving in ways i couldn’t understand? i felt just like them, so why weren’t they making sense? why was it so hard for them to just not care about sex? to just not have sex? to just not date? if it was so much trouble, why not just avoid it? why was that so hard? what made it worth it to these people?

why did adults keeping telling me it was important to wait? i got it, okay, it wasn’t that hard, you just wait. why did they tell me it was important to resist? what was there to resist? why were they making such a big deal out of it? why did other kids complain about this? it wasn’t that hard, just don’t have sex. so why were they obsessed with it anyway?

it frustrated me to no end that i couldn’t understand these people that i should be able to understand. and sometimes it left me feeling very much alone; and normally i didn’t care about being alone, i didn’t care about being the odd one out, i didn’t care about going my own way as usual

but it was a very distinct feeling of being on the outside looking in. or more accurately, that i was inside and everyone else was outside but they all seemed to be having a good time and i didn’t understand why they didn’t just come inside with me because it was perfecty fine in here

but of course, all of this was because i was coming at it from the wrong perspective. i wasn’t experiencing straightness as i thought i was, it was something else entirely. and it was such an incredible relief to learn about asexuality. because finally--finally–i knew what i was feeling, finally everything /made sense/. it was like i’d been stumbling around in semi-darkness, never questioning that maybe things shouldn’t be like that, and then suddenly all the lights were turned on and i understood

and i was able to relax and find comfort in my identity and stop worrying about understanding all those people and all their ridiculous nonsense. because of course i couldn’t understand it, we were feeling different things. they were feeling exactly as they should, it was i who had mislabeled my feelings. and it was such a relief to know that i wasn’t part of that and so i didn’t have to worry about not fitting in with it

i was part of this whole other group of people, and /these/ people acted in ways i could understand. i didn’t have to be confused or frustrated or isolated because they felt how i did and when they said things, i got it. i could understand these people, and that’s part of why it’s so important to me to contribute to this community as best i can, because it makes sense to me, because for the first time in my life i have found people i can understand

you know, one of the most important aspects of mainting mental health is validation, is understanding. it hurts a person emotionally to be alone, to have no one to talk to, no one who can understand you. and this is coming from me, who relishes being alone, who seeks to be alone whenever possible, who finds fulfillment and satisfaction in solitude

because it’s not just about being physically alone, it’s the emotions. it’s a very different feeling of /wanting/ to be alone and then feeling like you’re alone because you can’t connect with the people around you. even now, sometimes, i get a little tired dealing with my offline friends because none of them are ace and they’re all very sexual, and i don’t mind, really, but it gets lonely, and it’s such a respite to be able to come online and talk to and interact with other ace people whenever i want

and that’s why i’ve decided to share this story, because you guys can understand me, and i know there’s probably some other aces out there who had my same circumstances and maybe wondered if they were the only ones. you’re /never/ the only one, there’s billions upon billions of people on this planet, there is garaunteed to be at least one other person who feels the way you do, and if there’s a chance that i’m that person, well, here i am

that’s why i’m always open to talking to ace people, and especially questioning people, because i can /understand/ you, and sometimes that’s what a person needs. and that’s why this blog exists

that’s why it’s so important to raise awareness of asexuality and instill pride in asexual people, so they don’t have to grow up thinking they’re something they’re not, so they can know that there’s a whole community of others out there that can understand them, and so they never have to feel like they’re alone

~Mod Q

This describes my experience growing up asexual almost exactly. I didn’t realize for the longest time that people… I don’t know, meant it? I guess? when they talked about jumping someone’s bones or whatever. I thought it was just what you were supposed to say when you found someone aesthetically pleasing. (Oh what a naiive child I was…) It wasn’t until I grew up and tried the whole sexual relationship thing that I discovered that most people experience the world very differently. 

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this is it… the worst text a guy has ever sent me in my entire 2 decades of life…. I surpassed the 5 stages of grief when I read it and astral projected straight to hell

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Sirin and Alkonost — Paradise songbirds in slavic culture. The Sirin is commonly depicted as a bird-like creature with uncovered female head and breasts. According to the legends, Sirin Bird represents the souls of those people who were not taken to Heaven, and that is why her songs are always sad and full of melancholy.
The Alkonost Bird, on the other hand, is traditionally shown with a rich headdress (and she also has hands, in which she usually holds flowers of music instruments). Unlike Sirin’s, Alkonost Bird’s songs are dedicated to sweet and joyful dreams of future life in Heaven.
The images of two Birds are traditionally opposed to one another in folklore and fine art.

P.S. And that, my dear ladies and gentlemen, is a typical example of the parallel coexistence of traditional сhristianity and elements of pre-сhristian pagan beliefs ^^


The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end and tomorrow to start


When your friend does something stupid in public and you can’t stop them:

October 27 2017

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young Eno Hlaalu and his adventures…

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Adverbs aren’t evil; said isn’t dead
Please stop hitting the wall with your head

Active is grand but not always the best
Sometimes it’s passive that passes the test

Some write with style, others write plain
Let’s all agree that writing’s a pain

The ‘rules’ can be broken, twisted, or bent
All that matters is that you are content

Make your own story and write your own way
This has been a writer’s PSA

The only writing rules I will accept.






i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register:

“Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

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October 26 2017




concept: the show supernatural but with the mcelroy brothers

griffin, upon seeing a vampire: “Oh you’re a sharp, feisty boy, aren’t you”

Supernatural would finally be watchable

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Creature concept art for my book :)

I love everything about this piece.

Reposted bydiviBrainyKciukWzupiesantieanherosnaelienn
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I came back

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reminder that commissions are always open

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